So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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