Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
