So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
