Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
