I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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