she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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