just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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