I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
