You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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