its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
