i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
