I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
