I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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