I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
