Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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