Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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