is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
