3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
