Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm both gender and math confused
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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