How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
