its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
