Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
