I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
