I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
