you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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