You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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