the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My bed smells like the plague
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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