Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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