A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!