i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying