mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.