Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees