piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.