I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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