I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
