Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
