i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
