Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
