Only a mothe r could love this liver
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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