Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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