Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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