Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
