my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
