They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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