Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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