WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
