i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
