Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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