In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
