she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
