the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just gargled with NyQuil
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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