i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
