yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
