the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
