My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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