don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
