So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
