i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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