I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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