Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
