Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
