You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
