so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
