D3 body, D1 cock
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
