Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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